Ditch The Comparison Trap

When I was a novice teacher way back in the early 2000s, there was a senior teacher at my school who was a big runner. Sometimes he’d do a run starting from the school gates after work on Fridays. He’d always extend an invitation to anyone interested in joining him. 

I’d been running on and off for a couple of years, but the heavy workload of a brand-new teacher had taken its toll and I was decidedly unfit. I didn’t relish the idea of starting my weekend with a run when I was exhausted and looking forward to a night in with my feet up, but one Friday I agreed to join the gaggle of staff members accompanying the senior teacher.

The route took us through the residential area in which the school was situated and out onto wide, flat fields glowing in the late afternoon sunlight. Though the first part of the run was quite enjoyable, it was a longer route than I’d expected, and by the time we were in the last third and headed back towards school I was really flagging.

I trailed behind the others, groaning out loud when I saw a hill up ahead. I didn’t know how I was going to finish this. I was tired and wanted to go home. I was angry, too, frustrated with myself for losing the running fitness I’d once had and frustrated with my own frustration! My fitness sucked, and so did my attitude, and I felt totally defeated. I slowed right down, way behind the others now, and contemplated giving up entirely.

Before I could do so, the senior teacher appeared at my side. He’d looped back around from where he’d been up ahead to come back and find me. 

He must’ve seen the look on my face because, before I could say anything, he held up a hand and said,

“It doesn’t matter how slow you go. Just don’t stop.”

In all honesty, in that moment, I could’ve quite happily slapped him. Easy for him to say!

Reader: I did not slap him. Nor did I let spew forth the litany of complaints I’d had churning round my head for the entire duration of the run (I can’t do this, it’s no good, I’m too unfit, this is horrible, everyone is so much better than me). Instead, to my surprise, I continued to shuffle along the road, ignoring the distance between me and everyone else. It was not fun, and it did not feel good, but I made it all the way back to school without stopping.

Though it’s been years since that Friday afternoon run and years even since I made a career change and left education, I still think of that senior teacher and the advice he gave me that day.

We live in a world overflowing with opportunities to compare ourselves to others. Social media has made it possible to see what that girl we sat next to in Chemistry lessons twenty years ago is doing on a random Tuesday morning. We can follow the intimate details of not only our friends’ and family’s lives but those of people in the public eye. It is really, really easy to fall into the habit of comparing where we are in life to where others are. It’s really easy to compare our achievements with those of others.

As someone who changed their career, moved country, and married in their middling to late thirties, I’ve struggled with comparison a good deal. I look at where some of my friends and peers are, and I feel as if I’m trailing behind them just as I trailed behind my colleagues that Friday afternoon years ago. 

So-and-so has published two books in her field. So-and-so is celebrating a ten-year anniversary with her spouse. So-and-so has children. So-and-so has a thriving business. So-and-so has just finished her second degree. The list goes on and on.

I’m now married to a runner who is about to tackle their fourth marathon. Though I run regularly, I’ve recently had to take some time off, and my fitness has taken a hit. Hearing me grumble one day about how running felt so hard for me these days, my husband reminded me that a twelve or thirteen or fourteen minute mile is just as far as a six minute one. I thought immediately of the teacher all those years ago telling me ‘it doesn’t matter how slow you go, just don’t stop.’

Because: that’s the truth of it. Your timeline is just that: yours. When it comes to pursuing your goals, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing; it matters what you are doing. A mile’s a mile’s a mile, no matter how slow you go. There is no ‘correct’ timeline, though it can feel that way sometimes. There is still time for you to pursue your creative goals; there is time to change careers, to seek new experiences, to make new friends and explore new places. 

I’m coming to learn that it is ridiculous for me to compare my career with someone who has been in the industry for coming on twenty years in the same way it’d be ridiculous for me to compare my current running progress to that of my spouse’s, who has been training for a marathon for months.

We’re not in the same place, and that’s OK.

A mile’s a mile’s a mile, and each one is as meaningful for me as it is for him. 

You likely know writers who are extremely prolific. You likely know writers who seem to be able to produce work at an astonishing rate. If you feel disheartened when you compare your own progress with theirs: don’t. You are not them: they are not you. You each have your own unique timeline, and each is as valid as the other. Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing; forget about the runners (and writers) further along the road. It doesn’t matter how slow you go; just don’t stop.